What I Learned My First Year of Marriage
Back on June 7th, Brooke and I celebrated our first anniversary. We got to go back where we spent our honeymoon and had a great time. We didn't ride the helicopter again (Brooke almost got sick last year), and we actually got to go to a seafood buffet. Someone had to have some convincing that it was okay to eat there since we were right next to the ocean and not in Kansas.
Anyway, I thought I would share some of the things I've learned about being married in my very, very short experience.
1. Know if it's okay to be vulnerable for your spouse. There are times where you may or may not need to share what's going on in your spouse's life. If they are dealing with something personal and challenging, you probably don't want to share that with anyone unless you are standing in for them for prayer. If they did something pretty embarrassing that you thought was hilarious, you'll want to resist the temptation to tell the anecdotal story at the next party you attend. You'll thank yourself later.
2. Establish family traditions early. Some of you reading this may have family traditions already in place. They may have started more recently, or they may have been around for as long as you can remember. For the most part, we all like these family traditions. It's one thing that we can tell our friends about. "Yep, I'm in the running for this year's Thanksgiving paper football contest." Family traditions give us a bit of an identity; they define us as a unit a little better. For Brooke and I, we decided to always have pasta on Tuesdays, and we've designated Sundays as our "pray and play" day. Pray and play day is where we spend more time praying for the week ahead, for each other, and for whatever we are in the midst of. We also try to find something to do that we may not have the opportunity to do during the week...something fun and a little out of the ordinary.
3. You can make it with just one pot. We have one pot and we've cooked everything in it. If we can do it, you can too.
It's a beast to clean.
4. Find new tv shows you can watch together. I've probably watched more tv since I've been married than I did the previous 2-3 years. The reason being is because it's something we both get to enjoy doing together. Left to my own devices, I would probably spend my evenings reading, but is that serving my wife? Is that spending time with her?
We enjoy Impractical Jokers, Turn: Washington's Spies, Longmire, and others. I recently started on the Friends journey. Brooke has seen them all, but she gladly watches them with me. What shows would you recommend we watch?
5. Know how to handle conflict. We're human. We're under the nature of sin. Sin is pretty selfish, which makes us be pretty selfish people. We want to have things our way at times, regardless of what the other might want/think. Because of that, it's good to know how to handle conflict. How do you handle conflict with others? Do you talk it out? Do you let it stew and then add to that stew each time there's a disagreement? Do you put yourself in the other person's shoes to see where they are coming from? Whatever works for you, be sure to let your spouse know your process of dealing with conflict. However you deal with it, keep the line of communication open. You'll save yourself a lot of grief down the road.
6. Take an interest in each other's hobbies or find new ones to do together. Usually after a long day of work, I like to come home and play some mindless games on my phone to decompress from the day. Some of the games I play, I actually enjoy (maybe a little too much). Brooke will sometimes play with me if they are multiplayer games not because she really likes them, but she knows that I enjoy them and she wants to further enhance that experience for me (which is really cool!) I'm sure there will be new hobbies we will enjoy together once we're settled in at New Haven.
These are the things I've learned (though there are some others). Email me or get Brooke's perspective if you want to know more!
